Is He the one? The right one?

First we must allow our Heavenly Father to do the picking. And second, the decision for a mate must be made on a spiritual and intellectual basis before it’s made on an emotional one.
 
“What about love? Shouldn’t that be the third, you ask?”  No, and I’ll tell you why.  ”The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it? ” (Jeremiah 17:9)
 
The heart is willful and is driven by its own agenda. It does not consider things rationally and intelligently; it just loves to love! Therefore you have to point it in the right direction:  “Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the well spring of life!” (Proverbs 4:23)
 
Whenever you meet a man, you need to get clearance from God, check out his attributes, and then allow your heart to engage.
 
Dating exists not for mating; it exists for collecting data. I believe that the biblical design would be friendship, courtship and then marriage.
 
Friendship is two people walking together in agreement and accountability, learning and growing together.
 
Courtship follows the mutual agreement to commit to one another exclusively – it is the decisive turning toward the agreed-upon goal of the marriage altar.  It is a period of laying a foundation and preparing your life together after marriage.

But dating?  Well, if you do date, use the time wisely to gather these facts.
 
1.    Check out the fabric. Is the person mate material? Does this man have an intimate relationship with the Father through Jesus Christ?  Does he care what God thinks about his behavior? Is he accountable to God as well as another co-laborer in the faith? Accountability is an important factor.  It is imperative to maintaining a committed relationship.  Is your potential spouse a member of the same family – the family of God?
 
You need to have common interests and values and agree on the essentials of living day to day. You have a similar spiritual walk.  You eat the same spiritual diet. You enjoy a lot of similar things you have like interests, like goals in life, like opinions on basic life issues.  You have had like experiences in your background.  Though there is some truth to the idiom that opposites attract, like-minded folks fare better together. Furthermore, does he want to get married? If you want to be married and your dreamboat isn’t interested, don’t waste your time.
 
Remember, women fall in love and get married. Men decide to get married and then look for a wife. 
Note the difference in order.  So if a guy says he’s not looking for anything serious, take his words seriously.  If he’s not going in your direction, get off the bus and wait for the right one.
 
2.    Does this man want you? Is he pursuing you? The man who is right for you will pursue you, and God’s hand in the relationship will be clear. No guessing, no fleeces, no dead ends.
Scripture says: “He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord.” (Proverbs 18:22)
 
Note – who finds whom?  THE MAN FINDS THE WIFE.  From the beginning of time, God has transported men and women across the world in order to put them together.  At the RIGHT TIME, He will bring that man on the scene and he will find you. In God’s perfect design, the man is the one who recognizes his mate.  Adam had no problem recognizing that Eve was his missing rib.  You do not need to strategically place yourself anywhere. You don’t have to help a guy out because he’s shy!
Men will do whatever they have to do to get what they truly want. The man in your life should recognize you as the pearl of great price in his life and be willing to do whatever he must in order to gain your hand. If he is passive about gaining your affections, take it as a sign that he is not interested.

Many a woman’s mother has suggested that it is a good idea to marry a man who loves you more than you love him. As cold as that sounds, it actually might be scriptural, if you stop to think about it: “We love him because he first loved us.” (1 John 4:19)

Until then, take the ultimate chill pill. You don’t need a bunch of men in your life to make you feel all right about yourself.  You need only one man – your man, the one God has selected to select you. And trust me; the right man at the wrong time can be just as awful as the wrong man at any time. So trust God’s timing in this. He is the ultimate matchmaker. Relax, sit pretty and allow you to be found. Again – WAIT until the man voices his intentions. He should take the lead in establishing the relationship. You may have an inkling that he is the one, but God will use the man to set the tone of the relationship. Allow him the opportunity to woo you – this is your first act of submission. Jesus set the standard for all men to follow. They should love us first. And they should lead the relationship.
 
3.    The man in your life should not desire to move into your house, only into your heart. A man who prepares for your future has made his intentions clear. A man who is husband material has the means to take care of a wife. He is a responsible human being who understands he needs to have something to offer. In short, a man should have the means to be a suitable lover for you.
 
4.    Check out his buddies. Everyone knows birds of the same feather flock together, yet most women fail to see the connection between a man and his friends.

A man’s pals tell you a lot about the person that you haven’t seen yet. They reveal things about the guy’s character that might be hidden when he is on good behavior. Everyone knows how to put his best foot forward. Don’t stay focused on the foot; check out the rest of the body!
 
5.    Check out his relationship with his mother. How does he treat her?  This is your preview of how he will treat you.  There are lots of men who, because of a negative relationship with their mothers, really don’t like women, yet say they do. Unresolved issues between mother and son continue between husband and wife.

6.    Remember that a man’s family reveals the cloth from which he’s cut.  Take note and decide whether you want your future with the man in your life to look like his present family situation.

7.    Check out the patterns of his life. Do you see repeated cycles of drama in his personal kingdom?  Broken relationships? Problems in making commitments — including the job market? Mood swings? Is a problem always someone else’s fault? Does he embrace responsibility or shirk it?  Does he keep his promises?  Is he a man of good reputation? Remember all garments look wonderful hanging in the store, but with wear, some begin to unravel. Give yourself time and space to check out the man in your life.  Time will always reveal whether or not he is made of the right stuff.
 
8.    Does this man have a vision for his life? Is he running with that vision? Remember, God decided Adam needed help once Adam got busy DOING his assignment.  As we saw Adam, a man doesn’t need help until he is busy doing what he was created and called to do. Is the man in your life guided by sense of destiny and purpose, or does he just allow life to happen around him? A man who is not certain of his mission can be a most miserable person – and you’ll be miserable too if you know where YOU want to go in life.

A man who has vision is not intimidated by a woman whose mission statement is clear.  He will be your best ally, cheerleader and assistant because he wants you both to make it! A man who cannot be supportive of your achievements because he is floundering in a sea of uncertainty over his own life is not a healthy partner to have and to hold forever.
 
Creating dependencies or feelings of obligation is not the way to get the best out of your man.  Somewhere along the way, he will resent you and flee from the smothering burden of obligation he associates   you with. You want a man who is firmly anchored in his identity in Christ. Remember, we are looking for a man who will be priest and leader of his home. His first instinct should be to want to cover you, redeem you, and provide for you. Your job is to decide if this is the man God has ordained for you to complement.
 
9.    Complimentary. Do your talents and gifts complement his? Does his gifts, compliment yours? What about your temperaments? Do you see the two of you as an effective team capable of bringing blessing to the lives of those around you?  Do your futures mesh?  Can you coordinate your gifts in an attractive and effective way?
 
This is why knowing your purpose is so important.  Make sure your hearts beat for mutual causes. When I go shopping, I always consider the fabric, the fit and what I already have in my closet. Will my next purchase be a complimentary addition to what I already have?  If I find that I am going to have to buy shoes and matching accessories to go with a new outfit, I leave it right on the rack.  It is too expensive a proposition.  If the man you meet makes you feel that you need to completely reinvent yourself, something is wrong.
 
This is where I ask you to consider the relationship in terms of cost.  Is this relationship expensive spiritually, emotional or physically?  Does your longing for a mate make you willing to forfeit who you are in the process?  Or does he see you as the gift that you are?  The man in your life should consider you a rare find, a priceless jewel – because of you, he is getting ready to get blessed big-time!  Any relationship that causes you to feel unworthy, unlovely, unacceptable, undesirable or that you have to work for love, is too expensive!
God has called the man to cover, protect and provide not only materially for a woman, but emotionally and spiritually as well. You should be richer in mind, body and spirit for your union with the man of your dreams. The man in your life should make rich deposits into your heart and spirit, not withdrawals.
 
10.    Does he have a healthy love and acceptance of himself?  Make sure the man in your life has taken time to heal from past relationships and has made peace with himself.  How he cares for himself is how he will care for you.  A man’s relationship with God is crucial here.  His love for himself will only be as strong as his love for God.  This is not something that you can impart.  You cannot be his savior or teacher.  That is out of spiritual order.  In his rightful place as your personal priest, he should be leading you to a richer relationship with Christ.

If he is causing you to compromise your faith and destabilize your walk, if he is leading you into sexual sin or causing you to be distracted from your commitment to God, the relationship is too expensive. Offending the Lover of your soul, who promises you eternal love, is too high a fare to pay for a ride that has a limited run.  If you and your man can’t soar in the Spirit, when the force of your love for another is tested by the pull or gravity of the world, your union will not be able to survive.
 
So you decide.  How much is your life worth?  How much is your love worth?  You will be able to accept only what you believe you deserve.  God himself calculated the worth of your love and decided it was worth His life.  He now pledges you His love for eternity.  Yes, Jesus sets the example for all others to follow when He paid a ransom for His bride.  Should you expect less from a mortal man?   Throughout the Biblical age, men were willing to pay the cost for what they truly desired.  The truth of the matter is everyone knows that anything worth having costs, and no one gets a ride in this life for free.

Why is it?!?!

What a surprise, I thought I’d never hear from you again
You left me
With tears in my eyes, when you told me that you didn’t want this anymore.
Your actions were louder than words the silence I heard
The only thing worse is hearing you now plant your seeds of doubt
When the love I found is on solid ground

Why is it now that I’m in love
And found someone now you want me
The way you know I use to want you
But it’s too late because we’re through
Why is it someone else had to love me, for you to see all that I could be
This love for me has no meaning and when you find it you’ll never ever let it go

Now that things are good, your telling me you could be understanding of the things you should of understood
Sorry but I’m not, when you knew you broke my heart in two
Your actions were louder than words, your silence I heard, the only thing worse is
Hearing you now plant your seeds of doubt, when the love I found is on solid ground

Don’t wanna remember all the pain you caused
Don’t wanna think about how I gave you my all
I would have gave you anything you wanted from me
But wasn’t enuff for you
Don’t wanna disappoint you, but don’t waste your time
Cause God’s got a hold of my heart, body, soul and mind
There’s no need to call me anymore
If your looking for the love we had, it don’t live here anymore

- Angie Stone

We’ve all been there…

Just The Lonely Talking Again…

It’s the second time around
For you and I, boy
And believe me it’s confusing me
I’m afraid to say, “let’s make up”
And, “all’s forgiven”
But somethin’ tells me, I’m headed for heartbreak

So darlin’ please, I’m prayin’ that
This time, yeah this time will be different
That you and I can share this dream that I visualize

Tell me are you really ready for love, boy
Or is it just the lonely talking again
Are you really ready for love, boy
Or is it the lonely talking again

Now, the time before
When we got together
You promised you’d be forever true to me
But all I got from you
Was lots and lots of talking
Lonely nights filled with misery

So baby, please, please tell me now
That when I fulfill your needs
You won’t up and leave me
Even though you know I’ll let you come back….

-1987; Whitney Houston

Samantha Jones…Love her or hate her

What if this was a commercial…
“Do you think every guy you go out with may be “the one?” Do you hesitate to date more than one man because you think good girls shouldn’t do such things? Do you sit around a lot, waiting for a fellow you aren’t in a real relationship with to call or come by? If so, you are going about dating ALL WRONG! Put your pimptress hat on and let’s get real about why women MUST date multiple men at the same time…”

NOW THAT’s A DAMN COMMERCIAL…ain’t it?

Jay-Z says, “Once a good girl’s gone bad, she’s gone forever” I beg to differ (on a good day). It could be a sad fact, but that’s the reality of things which could easily change if women built a force strong enough to empower such stereotype. I’m sure sooner or later, how men see women who sleep around will equal how women already see men who sleep around because love does not choose which gender to play with. All it knows is that it is available for our consumption and it’s up to us to make whatever we want out of it. People hate on my gryl from Sex and the City, but I’ve always thought that she’s someone to admire…kinda like a Liberation Icon if I may say so myself. (I KNOW imma get flack from that statement). She never lied, and did shyt her way and gave a dagnabit about what others thought of her. And sexed whom & where ever she liked. We’ve all wanted that feeling at one time in our lives…Hell I’m there now!!
That being said, let’s pose the question: Why do women date or sleep around with multiple men? This is my piece on why. See, a woman ain’t a tramp just because she copulates. Her mistakes are justifiable by the passion to find the man whom she’ll stand behind to protect her and love her. That’s the answer to her promiscuity so ingeniously, she sleeps around until she finds a mixture of remorse, triumph, pity and pride in the love that satisfies. Maybe then the word “unrequited” will be redefined into something non-existent in her mind. This is the reason why women date multiple men. UMMM NOT SO MUCH…here’s my REAL take on it. Women do it because, well dammit JUST BECAUSE!! I believe as long as your being honest with yourself and others…it’s whatever! Now I don’t believe that being “free” is for babies…I’d suggest you being a grown-up about it, if your gonna go there. And honestly, I don’t care how many men say that they can deal with it…’specially if your cookies are good ladies…THEY CAN’T!!

I believe in writing about something I actually have a say on, and pls believe me when i tell you, I do have experiences that will back up my argument. I know that this blog will probably generate a lot of remarks just on disagreement alone. But please do not call my opinion a disgrace because women just want to be happy, too. Have men slept around since the beginning of time? HELLS YEAH. Have men broken hearts and walked away with a smile? HELLS YEAH. Have men dated multiple women without a sentiment of contrition? HELLS YEAH. Have men dated multiple women guilt-free and juggled them like it was a circus act to be proud of? HELLS YEAH. I’m not saying that women should do it just because men have also, because that’s a whole other debate on equality of the sexes. What I’m saying is… women are entitled to find out what makes them happy, just as men had found out an avenue of doing so.

Who says that the heart isn’t capable of being flattered by more than one person at the same time? Lets say your sexin the following three men. Man A is gorgeous, wealthy and remarkably has a magazine-front-page-type smile who just happened to be sensitive and caring. Man B is not as gorgeous, but he just happens to satisfy sexually, with a whole different level of intimacy skills. Man C turns out be the family-oriented guy, who knows what he wants out of life, has a good career, and would take your nieces and nephews or little brothers and sisters to Disneyland any time they want. Now, being the woman, thankfully, love does not ask you to choose right there plus you need time to explore and weigh your options out. They all stepped into your life at the same time, it’s just a matter of learning who you are, discovering who you are and what would make you happiest in the process. And so what if you just happen to be getting broke off by all three. Your practicing safe sex, your not committed and not lieing to these men…kinda like a don’t ask, don’t tell policy. Is that so wrong? HELLS NO. Some may vent and rant and rave, but at the end of the day, they’re upset cause your doing three men, that’s it and that’s all. And that to me is BS!!

So how does a women feel guilt-free when dating multiple men? The number one rule: NO EXPECTATIONS. Do not expect and set a general standard for all men because each man is different. If you do and men fall short, you will just be disappointed. If Man A cancels your date for tonight, who cares? Don’t get bummed. Move on. The number two rule: LET IT BE GUILT-FREE AND AMAZING. Your time with that person is your time with that person and that person alone. Exclude all the voices in your head that negate what makes you happy, that includes your parents, your friends, or that voice named Maggie who just keeps on shaking their head and moving their index finger when you’re up to something. The number three rule: CARPE DIEM. You’re doing it already, dating multiple men, so you might as well make the most of it. Seize the day because you only have one shot at it. Before you know it, it’s going to be too late. You’re too old to relive the shoulda, woulda, couldas.

I’m in my mid thirties, and over the past couple of years I was JUST taught how to date correctly by two very close good Sister Girlfriends (shoutouts to Moonlight and JCW). And I thank them for it each and every day. Before then, I was sooo emotional, didn’t understand why shyt was happening the way it was, and ALWAYS thought it was my fault if it didn’t work out. Now, I’m in tune with my emotions, and I’ve realized that everyone ain’t for everybody; and everybody ain’t entitled to my feelings…basically…I’m more gracious with my shyt. If you are an old fashioned girl then you should not be in this situation, so don’t use that as an excuse! This may sound a little brutal but when peoples emotions are getting involved it is not right to play with them. Treat others as you would want to be treated, with respect. Be honest as you would want them to be so with you, don’t forget that Karma may just come back and hit you in the butt!

I don’t know about you, but this topic riles me up to different extremes. Let me leave you with a thought that I hope would allow you to be in a somewhat contemplative mood in terms of guilt-free dates or potential marriages:

Would you ever settle for good if you can have great? I know I wouldn’t.

B-easy!

“2010″ – HERE WE GO…..

Hi my name is Shytown…and i am Single and Dating…UUUGGGHHH!!

It’s 2010 and i don’t know WHY we must wait til “Monday”, “the First of the Month”, a “New Month” or a “New Decade” to profess change…But we do. We feel that that’s gonna make a difference. BUT THIS TIME, i’m determined to be Victorious with my New Beginnings…what EVA those may be…eeekkk!!

I have alot of educated, successful, God fearing, beautiful, submissive Sister Girlfriends who are single and have been for over 2yrs or more. WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE?!?! Below are some stories that i thought i’d share about trials with dating. Someway, somehow, they thought it was all good…UNTIL…

Liza met this guy, they talked about three weeks on and off and finally went out for drinks. She thought it actually went well, the following week days past and she decided to call, also a couple of times that week – they text. She didn’t quite understand why they hadnt talked much because he was sooo into her on the date, but rolled with it anyway. The next week she text him “Good Morning” and he replied the same…a couple of msg’s went back and forth. The next day he text her early with “Good Morning Lovely“, she replied “Morning” and decides also to call him…AGAIN. She leaves him a sweet msg, “Just thinking about you, you know its ok to call once in a while, hope you have a great day“. He calls back, she’s excited, they chat and THEN IT HAPPENS…HE FUCKS IT UP. So, he asks, “why don’t you text me or tell me something naughty to get my day started“…she gasps..”excuse me?”. She’s thinking at what MF’n point dude did you think that that was something to say to a Woman that your interested in getting to know? Because dude has expressed that he’s tired of not finding a REAL WOMAN. So Liza says, “sorry can’t and won’t help you and ends the call. After about 30min, she texts him back and expresses that she’s dissapointed in him and that clearly he thinks she’s the typical woman and sees that thats what he’s interested in. WHY does he text her back first apologizing, cause he didn’t mean no harm AND THEN IN THE SAME MF’N SENTENCE SAY, ” didn’t think u were that sensitive, as far as u thinkn that’s all im interested n, i don’t no the kind of guys u meet…blah, blah, blah then says, “it’s obvious that little b.s. took u 2 a whole nother level, which is nowhere what i was thinkn, if it was, blah, blah, blah…WHAT THE FUCK?!?! Now, she’s the one with the problem?? I’m sooo sick and tired of men making their ignorances our fucking issue!! So NOW she’s SENSITIVE, because YOU don’t know how to talk to a LADY? BYTCH PLS!! (by NO means am i condoning you to call a man a Bytch…but sometimes it’s good for the soul!!).

Then we have Tyra. She met this nice guy they’ve talked for about 3months and have went out a few times. Good Repor. A little kissing and petting, but nothing serious. One night he invites her over, before she accepts, she informs him that she is interested in him, but is really happy how the friendship is moving, but is not interested in having sex at this stage, and that she understands if he doesn’t agre…dude answers, “no problem, i’m cool with that“. So they chill together, and the kissing and petting become a bit heavy, which leads to some bumping and grinding, but nothing more. He tries, but she stays to her word….when they depart everyone’s cool…OR SO THEY THOUGHT. The next day they speak and he informs her, “you’ll NEVA EVA get a opportunity to lead me on like that again and you like to play games and you got issuses“. WHAT THE FUCK?!?! Sooo the convo they had prior to her coming ova meant nothing to you DUDE? You thought that her mind would change cause ya’ll kissed a bit heavier? So basically, you assumed wrong and was thinking with the wrong head and NOW it’s her fault?!? So she’s not intitled to say “NO” to sex? And since she has said NO…she has issues?

What is wrong, am i missing something, if so PLEASE let a sista know!! There is absolutely NO excuse why so many good women are single today. I could go on and on, but i’d be out of breath and i’ve ALREADY broken one of my Victorius New Beginnings…NO CUSSIN’ and plus my fingers would hurt from typing. Please feel free to share your stories and comments….JUST GET IT OUT!!!

Oh yeah…. HAPPY NEW (DECADE) YEAR…BEEEOOOTTTTCHHHESS!!!!

Infidelity…

Other people’s views ALWAYS interest me, either they’re hilarious, sad, compelling or….FULL OF SHYT!!!! Below, i’ve listed an opinion on “Infidelity”….PLEASE feel free to chime in and share with me opinion….then i’ll give you the right one (MINE) later…lol

Enjoy………

Infidelity is terrible, yet it seems to be a common practice nowadays. We have seen both celebrities and regular people get caught cheating, and the aftermath has ruined their lives. Some even had their lives taken (R.I.P. Steve McNair). Why do certain people get away with it, and others don’t? I’ll tell you why: Some folks choose wisely, and many do not. While I don’t condone cheating, creeping, or infidelity PERIOD, I’ll say this: if you’re going to do it, do it RIGHT. Don’t embarrass yourself and your family by getting caught up in a scandal that will affect you, your kids, and all other parties involved.There are certain ways that you can successfully choose a jumpoff and not have your dirty laundry broadcasted for everyone to see. Follow these steps and you won’t get beat down and thrown in the middle ofthe desert like R. Kelly in the “Down Low” video:

1) Choose Wisely: You can’t choose a jumpoff in a day. You have toget to know her over time. If you see her spazzing out over othermen, and even blowing up other guys spots, then you’ll know that she’s NOT the kind of player that you want on your team. When guys see asexy female, we automatically want to put her on the squad: this isvery dangerous. You don’t know how volatile her temper is, you don’tknow who she knows, you don’t know if she has that monkey, etc. You have to observe your prey before you pounce, otherwise you may be infor a rude awakening.

2) Be Honest: I know it might seem like an oxymoron in this case, butputting all your cards on the table is the best thing you can do. Tell your potential jumpoff that you are married or involved so thatthere are no discrepancies when it comes to moving up the ladder.Many men promise to get divorces, some say they are about to be separated, and others even plot with the jumpoff to get rid of theirwife. If you tell them up front that you are just in it for the funof it, or that you just like the way that their butt jiggles in liquid leggings, then they won’t be stuck chasing a dream of maybe one day replacing your wife. A woman scorned is the worst monster to create when you are in a relationship.

3) Discretion is the Key: You do NOT need to be MySpace or Facebookfriends with your jumpoff. Nowadays, jpgs float across the net in aninstant. Camera phones and twit-pics can place you at the crimescene, have you convicted, and sentenced all within a 2 hr period. Flashing your jumpoff around in public will make it seem like youdon’t care what anyone thinks…and if you don’t care, why should she?Next thing you know you are getting tagged in a photo album entitled: “Vacation with my Boo:” and your fiancé’s bitter girlfriend is sendingevery last picture to her inbox, then you’re getting jumped by her big brothers at your son’s little league baseball game. Take the time tocover your steps, guys. This is why women cheat so much better than men.

4) Play on an even battlefield: When choosing your jumpoff, try to pick someone who has just as much to lose as you do. An older woman whose husband can’t get it up knows the deal, she sees you when shewants an “o” and that’s that. A 21 year old co-ed will get wrapped upin the affair and try to drop bombs over Baghdad when you break things off with her. Someone who is established in their career is either too busy to put forth such an effort to publicly bash you, or doesn’t want to be outted her damn self. So if you have to choose between a sexy cougar or a young and supple Ms Twerk Somthin’, I suggest you choose the more mature option, it’ll save you time, energy, and possibly your relationship.

Like I said before, I do NOT condone this behavior. But some of youplayers who just can’t kick the habit need to take heed to thisarticle before you find yourself knee deep in legal fees and divorce hearings. Women, the same thing applies to you: I’d hate to seesomething bad happen to you over a creep session gone bad. Like my friend Ekay’s grandmother used to say, “Be good, or be good at it.”

-Unknown Author

Laws of Attraction…Do You Believe??? (Pt – 1)

I’m on this mission to change my thoughts so that i can change my life. It’s growing into sort of a task seeing that i’ve thought this way for most of my 23 yrs…(shut -up!!!)…lol But, i’ve always felt in the back of my mind, nothing beats a failure but a try…

You likely know someone who is a great at manifesting. You may even have felt somewhat jealous of that person because it appears they have everything, seemingly getting these things with little effort as if they were born under a lucky star. Well, it may be that they very well were born with the knowledge of manifesting already intact. I say this because I believe once we learn something in another life (Yes, I believe in past lives, parallel existences) it is not lost, and that we can choose to bring those talents with us as we move into a new life experience.

Attracting Abundance is Knowledge -
As any other skill people have, manifesting is no different from playing the piano or flipping pancakes in the air. How good you are at it depends on how efficient you have become at performing it. And, although some of us are better at certain skills that doesn’t mean the rest of us, with practice, can’t improve or even surpass the talent expressed by another. Those people who are efficient in attracting have trained their minds to focus on their desires. They have learned it so well that they often times don’t even realize how they do it. Abundance comes to them naturally. They wouldn’t blink an eye if someone suggested they don’t deserve something, it isn’t part of their reality.

Grasping a better understanding of how the “Law of Attraction” works is the first step in bringing abundance into your life.

Law of Attraction -
We create our own reality. We attract those things in our life (money, relationships, employment) that we focus on. I wish I could tell you that it is as simple as stating an affirmation, but no affirmation is going to work if your thoughts or feelings are negating the positive.

When we focus on “having less” then we create that experience for ourselves. When we focus on “I hate my job” then we will never notice the aspects of our employment that might be satisfying. Basically, just wanting something isn’t going to bring that to us when we continue to obsess on the not having of that something. All we will experience is “not having” and will be ultimately blocking our true desires.

Better to focus on a particular object or scenario rather than on winnings or cash.

Another mistake that we make is that we tend to think of abundance in terms of how much money we have in our bank accounts. I personally think focusing on winning the lottery is a fruitless event. Focusing on winning the lottery is kind of like focusing on “not having.” I say this because of some discussions I’ve had with those who have held this desire, They have shared what they would do with the winnings if they won. Yet, some of the things they say they would do with the money they could actually already be doing with their current incomes on a smaller scale, but they don’t. Why not? Because they cling to what they perceive as their “meager savings” with the attitude that they don’t have enough out of fear. Here is an example of this:

A man’s mom owns a car that is need of repair. The son says “If I won the lottery I would buy my mom a new car.” But actually, the son has the means to take her car to the mechanics and pay out $400 needed in repairs to assure that his mom has a dependable car to drive back and forth to the market. When asked why he doesn’t then just go ahead and have her current car repaired, he answers, “Well hell, I only have $800 in the bank, and doing that would knock out half my savings. What happens if my car needs repairs next week or my daughter gets sick and needs to see a doctor?”

So you see, the person’s true focus is on “not enough” rather than being focused on winning the lottery. When we are focused on “not enough” it won’t ever matter how much money we have, it will never be enough. Suggesting that he pay for his mom’s car repairs brought his fears out into the open. It would be nice if the fellow could trust that by helping his mom and paying for the repairs he would not put himself at financial risk. But for the time being, while he feels he must hold onto that fear reality, I suggest this man focus on visualizing his mom driving safely to and from the market in comfort and without experiencing any mechanical breakdowns. This would be a positive image/thought to get that picture to become a reality. Or he could introduce the Law of Attraction to his mom so she can start attracting a new car for herself among other things she might desire.

Blame it on me……

Sometimes you can work it out
Sometimes you can’t
Sometimes you forced to watch everything fall apart its out of your hands
Sometimes leaving is easy
Sometimes it aint
Sometimes it hurts to know the loving you had was slowly fading away

You can say whatever you like
As long as we just say goodbye
Blame it on me
Say its my fault
Say that i left you outside in the cold with a broken heart
I really don’t care
I aint crying no more
Say i’m a liar a cheater
Say anything that you want
As long as it’s over

I aint a quiter
I just aint the type
I tried to see you through
I tried to make it to the finishing line
Oooh you thought it was meant to be yeah
I admit so did i
Every once in a while you think you figured it out
Sometimes your not right

Yes i love you but i really got to loose you
Freedom is where i want to be
Yes i’ll probably always love you
But i’m moving
I got to do this for me

– CHRISETTE MICHELE

Dammit, He Won’t Commit Emotionally!!

One of the most common situations i hear about is what I call (PMW) -Predictable Male Withdrawal. If you’ve had any experience with men and dating, then you already know what this is. I’ll take a second to explain exactly what this is and why it’s important…

When you’re first dating a man he’s often attentive, affectionate, and willing to do anything to stay close to you. He’s emotionally “open” and fully engaged with you. He talks about his life, his feelings, and he wants to know everything about you and yours. He wants to keep sharing with you and make sure that you both have one incredible experience after another with each other.

But then it happens…

At some point there’s a “shift” that you can sense in him, and from then on he’s frequently unable or unwilling to emotionally engage and be present with you. His openness and curiosity fades. He rarely if ever wants to talk about how you’re feeling or your relationship. He seems sunken back into himself. And after a while you find yourself wondering and worrying about what’s going on since you don’t know what’s going on inside him. It feels like you’re the only one paying the relationship any attention.

Of course, pointing this out and asking a man what’s going on when he starts pulling away like this only add to the issue. His irritated or distant responses to your attempts at connecting with him seem to confirm the worst and make you feel less comfortable and confident around your relationship.

Knowing this about men, or having experienced it first hand, let me ask you a question…

Wouldn’t it be great to know what a man was going to be like inside a relationship before fully opening your heart to him? Wouldn’t it be good to know if a man was going to be the kind of guy who was going to withdraw in this way or not, and what to do about it in case he was?

There’s a hard truth about dating men and finding the right man and relationship. It’s that a man either won’t tell you, or doesn’t know, if he’s a “Withdrawer” and what he’ll really be like once you’re in a relationship together.

For example, a man would NEVER say to a woman-

“I’m looking for a committed relationship… but the truth is that I’m not 100% emotionally available. If we were together I’d make our relationship feel like an emotional rollercoaster by periodically pulling away from you. You wouldn’t ever know if I’m coming or going. But hey… want to go out sometime?”

Though some may frown upon online dating, part of its beauty is that right from the start you’re able to get a rich sense of the man you’re connecting with.

But there’s still something important to know once you meet and feel that magic connection and attraction with a guy-

Will he ultimately be the kind of man who grows more loving and open with you as your relationship grows?

Or…

Like some men… will he be the kind of man who periodically withdraws, pulls away, and brings up feelings of uncertainty that don’t make you your best?

The truth is that too many great women get into relationships with men who seem great at first, only to find that this man is predictably distant and withdrawn at the worst of times.

So how can you know if a man is a “Withdrawer”?

How should this affect your thinking about a relationship with him?

And what should you do if you’re dating one?

A quick tip about identifying whether a man is a Withdrawer-

The best way to know a man’s true nature and his emotional habits in relationships is to look at the existing relationships he already has in his life.

Is he close to his family? How does he talk about, respond, and interact with them?

Is he someone who has great relationship skills in his life already, and is he a man who’s of service to his loved ones by being a source of listening, love and support?

Or is he someone that has a hard time being close and socially intimate to begin with?

You can tell a whole lot about a man if you’re willing to take the time to honestly look at his life and how he handles even the smallest relationships and conflicts in his life.

If you’re already with a Withdrawer, what’s most important for you is this-

Tip #1) Avoid falling into the common role of the “Convincer”

When you sense a man is less present or available to you and your relationship, and it scares you, the unconscious reaction lots of women have is to take on a role of Convincing a man to stay close and open up.

This usually shows up as subtle ways of begging, pleading, or using your hurt feelings to try and justify him changing (Also referred to as whining).

Unfortunately, these are the exact kinds of behaviors that seem “needy” to a withdrawn man, and cause him to want to pull away more.

Tip #2) Keep your Center

What’s the quickest way to connect with someone? (even a man)

Be the kind of positive, energetic and magnetic person that they can’t help but be changed and inspired by.

Often times during times of uncertainty we want to try and put more attention and focus on the PROBLEMS we see.

But, as the saying goes, sometimes the best medicine is laughter.

What if you addressed what feels like problems in your relationships as OPPORTUNITIES for love, compassion, and growth and understanding?

The catch with this approach is that, in order to be able to give this kind of energy to your life and relationship, you have to be “full” to begin with.

That’s why it is absolutely critical that you, as a woman, don’t stop doing and being the things that make you feel great about yourself and your life.

Tip #3) Lead with Attraction

You can try talking to a man all you want, and he might never respond the way you want him to.

But what if instead, you tried to connect with him not through talk about “issues”, but through the magic power of the emotion we call ATTRACTION. After all, this is often what drew the man in your life to you in the first place. Now go out there and GET EM and KEEP EM!!!!

Grace…

God is able to make all grace abound toward you; that ye, always having all sufficiency in all things, may abound to every good work.

2 Corinthians 9:8

Grace and peace be multiplied unto you through the knowledge of God, and of Jesus our Lord.

2 Peter 1:2

The kindness and love of God our Saviour toward man appeared, Not by works of righteousness which we have done, but according to his mercy he saved us, by the washing of regeneration, and renewing of the Holy Ghost; Which he shed on us abundantly through Jesus Christ our Saviour; That being justified by his grace, we should be made heirs according to the hope of eternal life.

Titus 3:4-7