Infidelity…

Other people’s views ALWAYS interest me, either they’re hilarious, sad, compelling or….FULL OF SHYT!!!! Below, i’ve listed an opinion on “Infidelity”….PLEASE feel free to chime in and share with me opinion….then i’ll give you the right one (MINE) later…lol

Enjoy………

Infidelity is terrible, yet it seems to be a common practice nowadays. We have seen both celebrities and regular people get caught cheating, and the aftermath has ruined their lives. Some even had their lives taken (R.I.P. Steve McNair). Why do certain people get away with it, and others don’t? I’ll tell you why: Some folks choose wisely, and many do not. While I don’t condone cheating, creeping, or infidelity PERIOD, I’ll say this: if you’re going to do it, do it RIGHT. Don’t embarrass yourself and your family by getting caught up in a scandal that will affect you, your kids, and all other parties involved.There are certain ways that you can successfully choose a jumpoff and not have your dirty laundry broadcasted for everyone to see. Follow these steps and you won’t get beat down and thrown in the middle ofthe desert like R. Kelly in the “Down Low” video:

1) Choose Wisely: You can’t choose a jumpoff in a day. You have toget to know her over time. If you see her spazzing out over othermen, and even blowing up other guys spots, then you’ll know that she’s NOT the kind of player that you want on your team. When guys see asexy female, we automatically want to put her on the squad: this isvery dangerous. You don’t know how volatile her temper is, you don’tknow who she knows, you don’t know if she has that monkey, etc. You have to observe your prey before you pounce, otherwise you may be infor a rude awakening.

2) Be Honest: I know it might seem like an oxymoron in this case, butputting all your cards on the table is the best thing you can do. Tell your potential jumpoff that you are married or involved so thatthere are no discrepancies when it comes to moving up the ladder.Many men promise to get divorces, some say they are about to be separated, and others even plot with the jumpoff to get rid of theirwife. If you tell them up front that you are just in it for the funof it, or that you just like the way that their butt jiggles in liquid leggings, then they won’t be stuck chasing a dream of maybe one day replacing your wife. A woman scorned is the worst monster to create when you are in a relationship.

3) Discretion is the Key: You do NOT need to be MySpace or Facebookfriends with your jumpoff. Nowadays, jpgs float across the net in aninstant. Camera phones and twit-pics can place you at the crimescene, have you convicted, and sentenced all within a 2 hr period. Flashing your jumpoff around in public will make it seem like youdon’t care what anyone thinks…and if you don’t care, why should she?Next thing you know you are getting tagged in a photo album entitled: “Vacation with my Boo:” and your fiancé’s bitter girlfriend is sendingevery last picture to her inbox, then you’re getting jumped by her big brothers at your son’s little league baseball game. Take the time tocover your steps, guys. This is why women cheat so much better than men.

4) Play on an even battlefield: When choosing your jumpoff, try to pick someone who has just as much to lose as you do. An older woman whose husband can’t get it up knows the deal, she sees you when shewants an “o” and that’s that. A 21 year old co-ed will get wrapped upin the affair and try to drop bombs over Baghdad when you break things off with her. Someone who is established in their career is either too busy to put forth such an effort to publicly bash you, or doesn’t want to be outted her damn self. So if you have to choose between a sexy cougar or a young and supple Ms Twerk Somthin’, I suggest you choose the more mature option, it’ll save you time, energy, and possibly your relationship.

Like I said before, I do NOT condone this behavior. But some of youplayers who just can’t kick the habit need to take heed to thisarticle before you find yourself knee deep in legal fees and divorce hearings. Women, the same thing applies to you: I’d hate to seesomething bad happen to you over a creep session gone bad. Like my friend Ekay’s grandmother used to say, “Be good, or be good at it.”

-Unknown Author

Laws of Attraction…Do You Believe??? (Pt – 1)

I’m on this mission to change my thoughts so that i can change my life. It’s growing into sort of a task seeing that i’ve thought this way for most of my 23 yrs…(shut -up!!!)…lol But, i’ve always felt in the back of my mind, nothing beats a failure but a try…

You likely know someone who is a great at manifesting. You may even have felt somewhat jealous of that person because it appears they have everything, seemingly getting these things with little effort as if they were born under a lucky star. Well, it may be that they very well were born with the knowledge of manifesting already intact. I say this because I believe once we learn something in another life (Yes, I believe in past lives, parallel existences) it is not lost, and that we can choose to bring those talents with us as we move into a new life experience.

Attracting Abundance is Knowledge -
As any other skill people have, manifesting is no different from playing the piano or flipping pancakes in the air. How good you are at it depends on how efficient you have become at performing it. And, although some of us are better at certain skills that doesn’t mean the rest of us, with practice, can’t improve or even surpass the talent expressed by another. Those people who are efficient in attracting have trained their minds to focus on their desires. They have learned it so well that they often times don’t even realize how they do it. Abundance comes to them naturally. They wouldn’t blink an eye if someone suggested they don’t deserve something, it isn’t part of their reality.

Grasping a better understanding of how the “Law of Attraction” works is the first step in bringing abundance into your life.

Law of Attraction -
We create our own reality. We attract those things in our life (money, relationships, employment) that we focus on. I wish I could tell you that it is as simple as stating an affirmation, but no affirmation is going to work if your thoughts or feelings are negating the positive.

When we focus on “having less” then we create that experience for ourselves. When we focus on “I hate my job” then we will never notice the aspects of our employment that might be satisfying. Basically, just wanting something isn’t going to bring that to us when we continue to obsess on the not having of that something. All we will experience is “not having” and will be ultimately blocking our true desires.

Better to focus on a particular object or scenario rather than on winnings or cash.

Another mistake that we make is that we tend to think of abundance in terms of how much money we have in our bank accounts. I personally think focusing on winning the lottery is a fruitless event. Focusing on winning the lottery is kind of like focusing on “not having.” I say this because of some discussions I’ve had with those who have held this desire, They have shared what they would do with the winnings if they won. Yet, some of the things they say they would do with the money they could actually already be doing with their current incomes on a smaller scale, but they don’t. Why not? Because they cling to what they perceive as their “meager savings” with the attitude that they don’t have enough out of fear. Here is an example of this:

A man’s mom owns a car that is need of repair. The son says “If I won the lottery I would buy my mom a new car.” But actually, the son has the means to take her car to the mechanics and pay out $400 needed in repairs to assure that his mom has a dependable car to drive back and forth to the market. When asked why he doesn’t then just go ahead and have her current car repaired, he answers, “Well hell, I only have $800 in the bank, and doing that would knock out half my savings. What happens if my car needs repairs next week or my daughter gets sick and needs to see a doctor?”

So you see, the person’s true focus is on “not enough” rather than being focused on winning the lottery. When we are focused on “not enough” it won’t ever matter how much money we have, it will never be enough. Suggesting that he pay for his mom’s car repairs brought his fears out into the open. It would be nice if the fellow could trust that by helping his mom and paying for the repairs he would not put himself at financial risk. But for the time being, while he feels he must hold onto that fear reality, I suggest this man focus on visualizing his mom driving safely to and from the market in comfort and without experiencing any mechanical breakdowns. This would be a positive image/thought to get that picture to become a reality. Or he could introduce the Law of Attraction to his mom so she can start attracting a new car for herself among other things she might desire.

Blame it on me……

Sometimes you can work it out
Sometimes you can’t
Sometimes you forced to watch everything fall apart its out of your hands
Sometimes leaving is easy
Sometimes it aint
Sometimes it hurts to know the loving you had was slowly fading away

You can say whatever you like
As long as we just say goodbye
Blame it on me
Say its my fault
Say that i left you outside in the cold with a broken heart
I really don’t care
I aint crying no more
Say i’m a liar a cheater
Say anything that you want
As long as it’s over

I aint a quiter
I just aint the type
I tried to see you through
I tried to make it to the finishing line
Oooh you thought it was meant to be yeah
I admit so did i
Every once in a while you think you figured it out
Sometimes your not right

Yes i love you but i really got to loose you
Freedom is where i want to be
Yes i’ll probably always love you
But i’m moving
I got to do this for me

– CHRISETTE MICHELE

Dammit, He Won’t Commit Emotionally!!

One of the most common situations i hear about is what I call (PMW) -Predictable Male Withdrawal. If you’ve had any experience with men and dating, then you already know what this is. I’ll take a second to explain exactly what this is and why it’s important…

When you’re first dating a man he’s often attentive, affectionate, and willing to do anything to stay close to you. He’s emotionally “open” and fully engaged with you. He talks about his life, his feelings, and he wants to know everything about you and yours. He wants to keep sharing with you and make sure that you both have one incredible experience after another with each other.

But then it happens…

At some point there’s a “shift” that you can sense in him, and from then on he’s frequently unable or unwilling to emotionally engage and be present with you. His openness and curiosity fades. He rarely if ever wants to talk about how you’re feeling or your relationship. He seems sunken back into himself. And after a while you find yourself wondering and worrying about what’s going on since you don’t know what’s going on inside him. It feels like you’re the only one paying the relationship any attention.

Of course, pointing this out and asking a man what’s going on when he starts pulling away like this only add to the issue. His irritated or distant responses to your attempts at connecting with him seem to confirm the worst and make you feel less comfortable and confident around your relationship.

Knowing this about men, or having experienced it first hand, let me ask you a question…

Wouldn’t it be great to know what a man was going to be like inside a relationship before fully opening your heart to him? Wouldn’t it be good to know if a man was going to be the kind of guy who was going to withdraw in this way or not, and what to do about it in case he was?

There’s a hard truth about dating men and finding the right man and relationship. It’s that a man either won’t tell you, or doesn’t know, if he’s a “Withdrawer” and what he’ll really be like once you’re in a relationship together.

For example, a man would NEVER say to a woman-

“I’m looking for a committed relationship… but the truth is that I’m not 100% emotionally available. If we were together I’d make our relationship feel like an emotional rollercoaster by periodically pulling away from you. You wouldn’t ever know if I’m coming or going. But hey… want to go out sometime?”

Though some may frown upon online dating, part of its beauty is that right from the start you’re able to get a rich sense of the man you’re connecting with.

But there’s still something important to know once you meet and feel that magic connection and attraction with a guy-

Will he ultimately be the kind of man who grows more loving and open with you as your relationship grows?

Or…

Like some men… will he be the kind of man who periodically withdraws, pulls away, and brings up feelings of uncertainty that don’t make you your best?

The truth is that too many great women get into relationships with men who seem great at first, only to find that this man is predictably distant and withdrawn at the worst of times.

So how can you know if a man is a “Withdrawer”?

How should this affect your thinking about a relationship with him?

And what should you do if you’re dating one?

A quick tip about identifying whether a man is a Withdrawer-

The best way to know a man’s true nature and his emotional habits in relationships is to look at the existing relationships he already has in his life.

Is he close to his family? How does he talk about, respond, and interact with them?

Is he someone who has great relationship skills in his life already, and is he a man who’s of service to his loved ones by being a source of listening, love and support?

Or is he someone that has a hard time being close and socially intimate to begin with?

You can tell a whole lot about a man if you’re willing to take the time to honestly look at his life and how he handles even the smallest relationships and conflicts in his life.

If you’re already with a Withdrawer, what’s most important for you is this-

Tip #1) Avoid falling into the common role of the “Convincer”

When you sense a man is less present or available to you and your relationship, and it scares you, the unconscious reaction lots of women have is to take on a role of Convincing a man to stay close and open up.

This usually shows up as subtle ways of begging, pleading, or using your hurt feelings to try and justify him changing (Also referred to as whining).

Unfortunately, these are the exact kinds of behaviors that seem “needy” to a withdrawn man, and cause him to want to pull away more.

Tip #2) Keep your Center

What’s the quickest way to connect with someone? (even a man)

Be the kind of positive, energetic and magnetic person that they can’t help but be changed and inspired by.

Often times during times of uncertainty we want to try and put more attention and focus on the PROBLEMS we see.

But, as the saying goes, sometimes the best medicine is laughter.

What if you addressed what feels like problems in your relationships as OPPORTUNITIES for love, compassion, and growth and understanding?

The catch with this approach is that, in order to be able to give this kind of energy to your life and relationship, you have to be “full” to begin with.

That’s why it is absolutely critical that you, as a woman, don’t stop doing and being the things that make you feel great about yourself and your life.

Tip #3) Lead with Attraction

You can try talking to a man all you want, and he might never respond the way you want him to.

But what if instead, you tried to connect with him not through talk about “issues”, but through the magic power of the emotion we call ATTRACTION. After all, this is often what drew the man in your life to you in the first place. Now go out there and GET EM and KEEP EM!!!!

Grace…

God is able to make all grace abound toward you; that ye, always having all sufficiency in all things, may abound to every good work.

2 Corinthians 9:8

Grace and peace be multiplied unto you through the knowledge of God, and of Jesus our Lord.

2 Peter 1:2

The kindness and love of God our Saviour toward man appeared, Not by works of righteousness which we have done, but according to his mercy he saved us, by the washing of regeneration, and renewing of the Holy Ghost; Which he shed on us abundantly through Jesus Christ our Saviour; That being justified by his grace, we should be made heirs according to the hope of eternal life.

Titus 3:4-7

Keeping it moving…early on

Earlier this week i was venting (as usual) to my BFF about guys and she patiently listened (as usual), and when i finished she said to me, Shytown, i know precious – but you know how you do, your gonna have to let the course run in its entirety before you can let it go and move on (or something like that). When she said it, we both laughed…but it’s been on my mind ever since. I realized at that moment that i don’t like that quality about me – and never have – especially when it comes to men. Now, when it comes to someone that i’m not feeling but maybe just want the attention, i don’t have a problem with keeping it moving AT ALL. But, let me be interested and i know that we don’t want the same things, that’s when the games begin (subconsciously ofcourse). The rejection is like a turn on so to speak…WHY IS THAT?!?! We as women think “How stupid could he be not to want to be with me?” OR “If i was his woman and he was my man, he’d have no other woman…” OR “he must be a flamming homosexual then”…when honestly, “he’s just not that into you” is all it is. GOD I HATE THAT PHRASE.

There’s a verse in New Edition’s song, “Your Not My Kind of Girl”…
Girl, you’re so pretty
I wouldn’t change a thing about you
But I’ve been in love before so I know how it feels
The chemistry just isn’t there…

Now when i was a shorty, i would sing that song backwards and forth umpteen times a day, because it was just a song. I would think, too bad for her…i KNOW Bobby Brown will love me!!! Then i became a grown up…NOW I HATE THE DAMN SONG. I swear it came on the other day and i turned the radio off. Because i thought to myself how stupid can men be? But honestly, at the end of the day (late, late, late, late in the midnight hour) all i have is mad respect for someone who doesn’t lead you/me on. I understand it’s always hard when telling someone that you don’t feel the same way that they do. But it’s always best to do it in a way that causes the least amount of pain possible. Shyt, there just is no easy way when you think about it.

Men may feel that he’s just not attracted to you anymore, OR he done hit it – so now what? OR he feels like there is no emotional connection. Also, you could just be annoying as hell. I honestly try to deal with men as they are and not how i’d like them to be. I know it’s an infuriating concept — that men like to chase and we have to let them chase us. I know. It’s insulting. It’s frustrating. BUT, unfortunately the truth. My belief is that if you have to be the aggressor, if you have to pursue, if you have to do the asking out, nine times out of ten, he’s just not that into you. Honey, Men don’t forget how much they like us, so back away and put down the phone!

The first thing to remember is that the sooner you know, the better. Prolonging something you know isn’t going to work out won’t do either of you any good. Some may not agree with this but, it’s always best to end things amicably. In the future, he might want to come back to you at some point (maybe it’s just the timing), either romantically, or if you need help with something. Even if you don’t, it’s still a good idea. Now i don’t think that that works for me, if i’m feeling you and your not into me, ultimately i thinking why still be friends? (Hey, just being real – i am still asking God to remove that from my spirit…until then…………..) Or just flip it ladies, apologize for you not feeling the chemistry…hell DO SOMETHING!

Moral of the story is…When it’s done, be done. (My BFF taught me that!)

If I were your woman…

If I were you woman
And you were my man
You’d have no other woman
You’d be weak as a lamb
If you had the strength
To walk out that door
My love would over rule my sense
And I’d call you back for more

She tears you down Darling
Says you’re nothing at all
But I’ll pick you up Darling
When she lets you fall
You’re like a diamond
And she treats you like glass
Yet you make it hard to love you
But Babe don’t ask

If I were your woman
If you were my woman
If I were your woman
Here’s what I’d do
I’d never no, no, no stop loving you

Life is so crazy
And love is unkind
Because she came first
Will she hang on your mind
You’re a part of me
And you don’t even know it
I’m what you need
But I’m too afraid to show it

…you’d need no other woman

-Gladys Knight

Contentment

I have learned, in whatsoever state i am, therewith to be content. I know both how to be abased, and i know both how to be abound: every where and in all things i am instructed both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.

-Phillippians 4:11-13

Compulsive liars or just lying a**es?

There have been times in my life when I, like most people at one time or another, have taken the path of least resistance. Not that it was my intention to lie, but at that particular moment, it allowed me to avoid conflict, avoid disappointment, or avoid having to take some form of action that I was in no mood to take at that moment. BUT THE LIES Ni**as TELL…

There’s no denying, men lie. Not all men, but the ones who do, lie alot. (Women lie to, but i don’t date them). Why is it that men feel like they need to lie to get some? Can someone PLEASE answer that question for me? Hell why your at it, please answer why they lie period?!?! I use to date a man that would lie just because it was Thursday?!?! I could have just walked past the window and saw that it was 87degrees and sunny outside, he’d walk past it no more than 2 minutes later and would swear that it was rainy and 43degrees…JUST CAUSE!! WTF?

The lies men tell vary from mundane to absolutely ineffective. The odd thing is, they never seem to learn which lies work and which don’t. I’ve often wondered is there a damn book they all secretly own, and choose their lies from: “LIEING AZZ MOTHER F**CKERS”, I always thought it might be called. Men are so accustomed to lying to other men (I’m convinced this starts in childhood) that it just seems natural for them to lie to women, too. Men lie to their co-workers; they get together with their boys to drink and to lie to each other about their role in “the war,” about their income, the amount of their debt, what their car will do, etc., etc. There seems to be some unwritten rule that “I won’t call you on yours, if you don’t call me on mine.” Some men feel it adds something to their appeal/image if they can put something over on someone. With women, it’s part of the “chase,” the “challenge” (“I told her she was the nicest woman I ever met, and she tipped right over backward – har! Har! HAR!”) It’s useless to hold this against them, or try to make them stop. Many just can’t.

Men don’t seem to think it’s a lie if it’s for a good cause: to avoid hurting someone’s feelings, for example (especially their own), or to get sex (they believe they’re entitled), or to get out of sex.They will also lie to avoid conflict. A man who is insecure is more liable to lie, or do worse. I’ve always felt that insecurity is awful for anyone (i’ve been there – not a good feeling), but men in particular seem to be vulnerable to it. They’ll lie if they feel trapped, or that someone is trying to trap them. (sidebar – The question i asked was a joke DUDE, Just a joke – BUT i’m glad that i asked, cause i found out your ass is SORRY AS HELL). No one likes feeling trapped, but again, men are likely to react more…shall we say intensely (stupid as hell), especially if they suspect someone’s trying to manipulate them into marriage. The old, tried-and-true method of claiming pregnancy doesn’t work any more – men know about birth control, oh and i hear that us women are swallowing now too…hahahaahahahahhaah

One of my girlfriends asked me, “Shytown, how can you tell if a man is lieing?” I said, “I look at his lips, if they’re moving, he’s lieing.”

There really aren’t any true ways to tell if he’s lieing or just a bold face liar. Body language is useful, study up on it…alot of folding of the arms maybe, and i feel that if he lies about simple things then he’s just a bold face liar all the way around. Eyes usually say it all (sometimes). But mainly, pay attention to what he does, Actions speak louder than words HEAR ME WHAT I SAY LADIES!!!! And they also speak more honestly. When you first meet a man, he’ll show you his best side, tell of his accomplishments (sometimes borrowed from others) and shower you with attention. This slowly fades the longer you know him and sooner or later he’ll show you his shabby, under-the-rock side. This is the time when you’ll make the decision whether to go on or not. With some men, it will take a year, with others, a few months will do it. Don’t be home if those call back (and they always do).

SIDEBAR – I’m not upset that you lied to me, i’m upset that from now on i can’t trust you. Other guys who’ll have me they’ll appreciate my love tell me, how does it feel? Now your like the rest, unworthy of my best, astalavista baby!

Ain’t no way

Ain’t no way for me to love you
If you won’t let me
It ain’t no way for me to give you all you need
If you won’t let me give all of me
I know that a woman’s duty is to help and love a man
And that’s the way it was planned
Oh, but how can I, how can I, how can I
Give you all the things I can
If you’re tying both of my hands?

Oh, it ain’t no way
It ain’t no way
It just ain’t no way, baby
Ain’t no way baby
It ain’t no way for me to love you
If you won’t let me

Stop trying to be someone you’re not
How cold and cruel is a man
Who pay too much for what he got?
And if you need me to love you, say, say you do
Oh, then baby, baby, baby don’t you know that
I need you.

Oh, Oh, it ain’t no way
I’ll tell you that it ain’t no way
It ain’t no way
It ain’t no way, baby, no
It just ain’t no way
It sure ain’t no way
It ain’t no way for me to love you
if you won’t let me.

-ReRe Franklin